ADVICE

Dear Amy: Every year I spend the holidays at my sister’s house.

The past couple of years have been a little crazy for us. Our mother passed away in the early stages of the pandemic. Then I was furloughed from my job, and my boyfriend decided I was no fun and broke up with me, so over the past few years I slowly (like many of us) put on a few pounds. (I have recently found a new job that I like.)

My sister always comments on my weight. Always. I had barely arrived at her house before she was telling me that I needed to lose weight, or I would die. This went on the whole time I was there. She mentioned she had also written an email to my ex about my weight.

It blew my mind that she had the nerve to do that. I confirmed this with my ex once I returned home. He said that when he didn’t respond to her email, she sent another, demanding a response from him. I am not sure I can ever forgive her for this.

She is not without flaws and has her own family to care about. At one point we had talked about me moving close to her in the next few years since I am alone, but this last episode makes me question this and wonder if I should just cut my ties with her. Family is family, but I feel she has overstepped big time.

What do you think I should do? — Weighty Issue

Dear Weighty: Your sister doesn’t hesitate to “weigh in” (excuse the pun) on your situation in a very frank way, and so I suggest that it’s time for you to respond in a way that conveys your deep concern over her behavior — as well as the consequences that will result if she refuses to alter her behavior. You should send her an email.

Thank her for hosting you over the holidays. Tell her, “Unfortunately, your ongoing obsession with my weight makes it impossible for me to relate to you in the way I would like. You have totally crossed the line. From now on, this topic is off the table.”

She might respond defensively — or double down by stating that she is just worried about you.

You will then have to decide how to move forward: whether you believe your sister is capable of restraint, or whether it is healthier for you to keep your distance.