ADVICE

Dear Amy: I dated “C” for only a month in 2020.

It was obviously not long term. I was the one who broke it off. I have not contacted him since. Recently, I logged onto Facebook for the first time in a long time, and I noticed that he has been messaging me over the course of the last two years — and as recently as last week (which is odd since he has my phone number).

It’s clear that he wants to get back together, but I have no interest in reconnecting with him.

I’m now wondering if I should tell him the reasons I broke off the relationship.

Telling him would be purely selfish and therapeutic (for me). I never told him all the things that bothered me, and if I did now, I’d finally be able to get it off my chest.

Additionally, maybe he’ll be willing to take this feedback for what it is?

It’s clear he’s not had much luck maintaining a committed relationship (based on all the messages I’ve received over the years), so maybe he’ll be willing to listen?

However, I hesitate for a few reasons. The truth will sound harsh — because it is.

At the top of the list is that he was immature, racist, and unscrupulous (i.e., stealing from his job), along with a long laundry list of other terrible behavior.

I only knew him for a month, so perhaps I’m being too judgmental? Should I just let him continue on his own journey? — Hesitant

Dear Hesitant: This guy’s infractions (aside from his immaturity) are all things he already knows are wrong — because we all know they’re wrong: He’s racist. He’s a thief.

Feedback in this context would only be a recitation of your own values.

Self-improvement is not on the horizon for him — unless he expresses a desire for it, which he doesn’t seem to have done.

He is messaging you because he can. Your lack of response doesn’t seem to discourage him.

I suggest that you continue not to respond, consider blocking him, and hope that he is messaging you on FB because he has lost your number.