FATHER’S DAY 2021

• Love Dad, hate his jokes: Our reporters reached out to business leaders, legislators and others to compile the best dad jokes.

What do you get when you mix a barrel of laughs, a bucket of groans and an infinite supply of love?

Dad.

Father’s Day wouldn’t be the commemoration of all that makes our pops special, including their corny, eye-rolling, pun-laden knee-slappers, hilarious mostly to themselves.

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracabrador.

They are profound.

Why do Zen monks meditate in silence? Because they’re single.

They are keenly observant.

What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.

They are a little too obvious.

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

As with most things parental, they’re bad until they’re good, and then we’ve become them.

Colorado has a laugh factory in the halls of government.

Merriam-Webster said the cultural phenomenon — at least, the term “dad jokes” — popped up in 1987, when “The Cosby Show” and “Roseanne” were rated higher than “Cheers.”

My favorite medical show is about cows. It’s called “Graze Anatomy.”

Dads may never survive the hecklers, but they create lasting memories, a cherished bond built on goofiness.

“One cannot underestimate the importance and power of dad jokes,” said Eric Bergman, policy director for Colorado Counties Inc. and perhaps the funniest guy under the state Capitol’s gold dome, rivaled only by Sen. Don Coram, a Republican from Grand Junction. “In our family they were something of a cultural touchstone and part of our shared heritage and tradition. My grandfather and dad loved telling them when we were kids and it not only taught me timing and delivery, it made me smarter!”

Dads hide Easter eggs of wit, as well.

“Usually they are a play on words, and sometimes it takes you a few seconds to get ‘em,” Bergman told Colorado Politics. “As a kid, there was this feeling of pride and accomplishment when you finally ‘got it.’ ”

The pros leave those to the pops, however.

“I don’t do dad jokes,” said Sam Adams, former Rocky Mountain News and Denver Post sportswriter who became a comedian for hire. “I was always intrigued and interested at the laughter they generate. Most are silly, but some are funny. They seem to be a bridge between parent and child. ... But to me it’s just ‘pun-ishment.’ Pun-ative damage comes from trying them.”

That said, Adams pitched in:

”What’s a stubborn basketball player’s favorite shot? Slam dunky.”

In honor of Fathers Day, reporters with Colorado Politics and the Denver Gazette reached out to legislators, business leaders and other jokesters in the community to share their best dad jokes from their roster or from their memory.

It’s harvest time for Colorado’s corn:

Gov. Jared Polis:

As if serving as the state’s chief executive and raising a young son and daughter with First Gentleman Marlon Reis wasn’t enough, Polis took time between bill signings to share his favorite one-liner. It also shows off his love of science fiction:

”Why did the ‘Star Wars’ movies come out in the sequence: 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8,9? Because, in charge of the order Yoda was.”

Rep. Dave Williams, R-Colorado Springs:

Child number two, Vivian Grace, conveniently arrived in the Williams family on June 10, two days after the end of this year’s legislative session. Her brother, Logan Fox, is 4, born the same year their pop first joined the General Assembly.

“What do you call mints for your feet? Tic Tac Toes.”

It’s going to be a long ride to high school graduation, kids.

Arapahoe County Sheriff Tyler Brown:

“If you witness a crime at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?”

Farm Bureau executive vice president Chad Vorthmann:

The venerable father of two precocious daughters, Emlyn and Dru, shares parenting duties with one of the Capitol’s best-known lobbyists, Garin Vorthmann.

That was never going to be an easy crowd.

“I’ve only got: ‘I’m hungry.’ ‘Nice to meet you, hungry.’ But actually, they pull it

on me more.”

Fortunately he keeps a go-to joke in the chamber.

“What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh ...”

Eric Bergman, policy director for Colorado Counties Inc.:

The father of two fine young gentlemen, chips off the Bergman block, routinely provides wisdom and humor from the statehouse to his house.

To wit:

”What is the best time to schedule a dentist appointment? ”Tooth-hurty.”

J.J. Ament, CEO of the Metro Denver Economic Development Corp.:

”I was thinking about getting a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.”

Denver City Councilman Jolon Clark:

“Anytime my kids say something was intense, I say, ‘You know what is really intense? Camping, that is really in tents.’”

Dylan Roberts, D-Eagle:

”What’s the difference between a sharply dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? A-tire!”

Another one from Roberts:

”A woman was rushed to the hospital after swallowing six plastic horses. Good news is that her condition is reported as stable.”

Rep. Colin Larson, R-Littleton:

To be fair, he warned it was the “lamest joke ever”:

”What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.”

Rep. David Ortiz, D-Centennial:

”How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on a beaker? Picked it up before it was cool.”

Ian Silverii, former executive director of ProgressNow Colorado:

The former executive director of Progress Now Colorado and founder of The Bighorn Co., a political consulting firm, is on vacation with his wife, state Sen. Brittany Pettersen, and their toddler, Davis, but plugged in for a couple minutes to share a recent favorite. It’s a shaggy-dog story. Fetch.

“Duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘Hey bartender, you got any grapes?’ Bartender says, ‘No, this is a bar, we don’t have any grapes.’ Duck leaves. The next day the duck walks into the bar and says, ‘Hey bartender you got any grapes?’ Bartender says, ‘No I told you yesterday, stupid duck, I don’t have any grapes, this is a bar.’ Duck leaves. The next day the duck walks into the bar and says, ‘Hey bartender, you got any grapes?’ the bartender says, ‘Listen here you stupid duck, if you come in here one more time asking for grapes I’m gonna nail your stupid webbed feet to the floor.’ Duck leaves. Duck comes back the next day and says, ‘Hey bartender!’ Bartender says, ‘What?!’ Duck says, ‘You got any nails?’ Bartender says, ‘No.’ Duck says, ‘You got any grapes?’”

Skyler McKinley, AAA Colorado spokesperson:

”A limbo player walks into a bar.”

David Brown:

Brown and his wife, state GOP Chairman Kristi Burton Brown, keep their two children in stitches, including this one from David:

“What do you call food made by Baby Wookies? It’s good, but it’s a little Chewie.”